I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's blow job season.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
