It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
