True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
