My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
