He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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