Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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