Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
