sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
