My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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