Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
