why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
