Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
