that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
