oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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