i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
A bitchslap is in order.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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