So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
