We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
