I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
