I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
