Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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