i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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