I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
