Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
