I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
