Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Dignity is for republicans.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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