my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
