Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
