It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
