OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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