we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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