I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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