Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
