What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
