i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
