Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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