So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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