yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
