i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
