3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
