She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
