I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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