I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
