when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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