did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Come on in and take your pants off
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