I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
