hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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