Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
