dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
