First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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