we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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